Little Miss Muffintop goes to…
Orlando!
Friday, May 9
9:45 am: Drop off dogs at camp. Hurt that they both ignore me when I’m there and also hurt that they stand at the fence watching us drive away.
11:00 am: Arrive at work. Work work work all the live long day. Feels like I’m working on the railroad.
7:00 pm: Arrive at Newark airport. Hope the security people don’t take away my jar of peanut butter. Not only do they not take away my jar of peanut butter, they also don’t care about my carefully prepared ziplock bag of approved airline carry-ons. Note with some derision that the security people make the woman in front of me remove the shoes of her little tiny baby that she’s holding.
9:15 pm: Plane departs 45 minutes late. Jammed in the middle of the very last row.
10:30 pm: Finally get to sleep only to be woken up by the man across the aisle who is snoring so loud I can hear him over my Rammstein.
10:40 pm: Finally get back to sleep only to be woken up by the woman behind me singing. And dancing.
11:00 pm: Somewhere over southern Georgia, terrified by turbulence. Thought flashing lights out of window were the lights on the wing only to realize it is lighting from a ginormous thunderstorm.
11:45 pm: Arrive in Orlando. 87 degrees. Sadness.
Saturday, May 10
1:00 am: After checking into the hotel, turning the a/c down to 60, putting pillowcases that I brought from home on the pillows, sanitizing everything in the room with my handy dandy travel sanitizers, fall into a Benadryl sleep coma.
3:30 am: Not used to sharing blankets, Ross has taken the entire thing and tucked it around himself. Trying to pull blanket away from him, my hand slips and flies up and punches him in the face. Will hear about that in the morning. Fall back into Benadryl sleep coma.
8:30 am: Wake up. Want coffee. Go downstairs to find hotel has amazingly good coffee. Drink 3 cups. Awake. Ross vaguely remembers getting punched in the face. Does a Tommy Boy bit.
11:00 am: Meet family in lobby of hotel for breakfast buffet. Have eggs, biscuits, pancakes, french toast, more coffee, cheese danish. Ready for the day.
2:00 pm: Not sure how we just spent the last 3 hours, but time for lunch already. Went to Applebees. Had chicken quesadillas and a salad. Talk about what we’re doing for dinner.
3:00 pm: Went to Florida Mall. Big mistake. Crowded. No Naughty Monkey shoes at Nordstroms. Sadness.
5:45 pm: Back at hotel. Nap for 15 minutes.
6:30 pm: Dinner at Kobe Steakhouse. Had hibachi. So good I weep as I type this that I am not eating it right now. Ate so much I cannot remember what I ate. Cute chef guy flirted with me and gave me extra food. Love.
8:30 pm: Arrive at Universal City Walk to attend Blue Man Group show. 94 degrees. Sweatness.
9:15 pm: Show starts. OMG go see the Blue Man Group. Best show evar.
11:45 pm: After long walk back to parking garage, find giant mob. Garage closed. Lots of police. Can’t get to car. No information given but free water handed out. Doomed.
Sunday, May 11
12:30 am: No word on when garage will be opened. Feet hurt. 97 degrees. Fuck free water. Ross & I abandon family and get cab back to hotel. Look on internet: suspicious, bomb-like package in Universal Studio parking garage brings together all of Orlando’s finest for hours and hours.
1:15 am: Hello, benadryl.
8:30 am: Wake up. Coffee coffee coffee coffee.
10:00 am: Breakfast at Toojay’s. Had omelette, toast, french fries, coffee. Spent lots of time discussing what to have for dinner.
4:00 pm: Don’t want to talk about the last 6 hours, 4 of which were conversations about where to go for dinner.
5:00 pm: Arrive at BJ’s (not the warehouse type place) for dinner. Had mini white alfredo pizza, salad, french fries, Ross’ hamburger bun, and giant oreo cookie type dessert. Finally full.
7:30 pm: Back to hotel to pack. Snack on whole wheat brown sugar cinnamon poptarts for lack of anything better to do. Watch Forrest Gump.
9:30 pm: Sleep
Monday, May 12
12:30 am: Wake up. Check clock. Go back to sleep.
1:30 am: Wake up. Check clock. Go back to sleep
2:30 am: Wake up. Check clock. Go back to sleep.
3:30 am:Wake up. Check clock. Go back to sleep.
4:30 am: Wake up. Check clock. Go back to sleep
5:30 am: Wake up. Time to get the hell out.
6:30 am: Arrive at airport. Security takes away my jar of peanut butter. Fuckers.
8:30 am: Board plane. Emergency Exit Row. Happiness.
10:30 am: Final descent into Newark in the face of 800 mph winds. Fear.
10:45 am: Arrive at gate 20 minutes early. 50 degrees and rain. HOME. Or as close as I’ve been to it in the past 48 hours. Hair immediately of own accord de-frizzes for the first time in 48 hours.
11:30 am: Arrive at work. Work work work. Want to go home. Hair smells funky. Need bath.
8:30 pm: Home. Did you hear what I said, boy? HOME.
9:00 pm: Sleep. No benadryl needed.
Tuesday, May 13
6:30 am: Wake up. Smile.
8:30 am: Pick up dogs who do not want to get in the car. They want to play with Beluga, the giant great dane who is 6 feet 6 inches tall on his hind legs.
9:45 am: Arrive at work.
Aaaaaaaaaaand done. I’d put a picture here but I was too busy eating all weekend to take any. Lest anyone think otherwise, Ross & I had a nice time. No really. We did. <3
Filed under: Travel | Tagged: Little Miss Muffintop Goes To...
after i read this post, i had to go to the bathroom and stick my finger down my throat, which is high praise indeed. i felt your bloat. the kind of waist expansion that can only come from wolfing down 400 gazillion calories and forgetting to go to the bathroom (or trying really hard to go and failing, because it’s not your trusty home toilet). plus, now i have a hernia from laughing, thank you very much. so stop. stop this kind of writing. stop it right now, or i’m telling.
I thought hotel ac could only be set at 60.
airport security took my lighter. from my checked luggage.
I arrived in Houston this afternoon desperate for a smoke only to find I’d been burgled.
glad you had a good time.